slutfang:

finally my child can safely ram her fucking head into a doorknob this is what the future is all about what a time to be alive 

slutfang:

finally my child can safely ram her fucking head into a doorknob this is what the future is all about what a time to be alive 

disneyprincest:

why are my parents always like “go to bed.” i am in bed. im always in bed. you go to bed. stop talking to me.

churchofsterek:

gallifreyslocked:

when i was in year 5, i did a speech on clumsiness for my school’s public speaking contest and to be clever, i tripped on my way to the stage dropping my note cards all over the place, but then i pulled the real ones out of my pocket saying ‘if you’re going to be clumsy, it pays to be prepared!’

everyone lost their shit and i got second place

If you got second place who got first… Did they talk about fire safety and burn the stage down or something